My two-way mirror to life has been blurred by dirt and rendered useless by neglect. In my life I have but one regret... That I was never as patient nor understanding as I could have been. I'm thrown into a pool of insecurity that I alone have created. My over sensitivity to details that may or may not mean anything have backed me up into a corner with lions ready to leap at my throat and bleed me dry. Taking things from the past and hurting myself with doubt. Foreseeing things from the possible future that might lead to a bitter end. Feeling around in the present for signs of betrayal and drowing my ego in a pool of misery. I was unconsciously raised to trust no one. I raised myself to read into things and assess every one I meet. I've been called names and despite the saying, words actually hurt me. They hurt me more than a whip to my back. They irritate me like a pebble in my shoe. I have lived this way for countless seconds, minutes and hours. I will not change. My hand is clenched into fist but not in anger or bitterness but in defense. Everlasting defense. I dream of a day when my insecurities shall be nullified by the realization that all my efforts to be happy have worked. Where there is no reason whatsoever for me to mistrust. When I wake up and realize without a doubt, that I have no reason to fight or hate or cry. I have been betrayed countless times and have stood up to take one, five, ten more blows to my already battered sanity. In the hope that the trust I give shall be reciprocated, acknowledged and respected. I have not yet met anyone who has never talked behind my back,  lied to me, cheated on me, or kept the truth a secret to protect me. I am not stupid. I know these things all I ask for is that the truth, the entire truth be told. Past or Present. Why keep this from me? So i will not be hurt? You contribute to my insecurity and leave me in a state of perpetual disappointment. So until I get the answers I know to be true. I will always ask the same questions over and over.