Yabs' Recycle Bin

Entries for December, 2007

December 10, 2007

Yabs' 35

5 Rules to Love
Rule 1: Be Honest
Rule 2: Be Fair
Rule 3: Be Understanding
Rule 4: Be Consistent
Rule 5: Be Sweet

5 Rules of Love
Rule 1: She/He is Right
Rule 2: You are wrong
Rule 3: If ever you are right... YOU'RE WRONG
Rule 4: If she's/he's right... Expect it to be rubbed in.
Rule 5: Always end with an "I Love You!"

5 Steps to Relationship Peace
Step 1: Shut Up
Step 2: Shut Up
Step 3: Shut Up
Step 4: Shut Up
Step 5: Say you're sorry

5 Steps to Moving On
Step 1: Stop talking about it
Step 2: Stop thinking about it
Step 3: Stop dedicating stuff to him/her
Step 4: Don't find a "replacement"
Step 5: REALLY Move On!

5 Steps to NOT Moving On
Step 1: Showing him/her you've moved on
Step 2: Telling everybody you've moved on
Step 3: Waiting for a call or text
Step 4: Hoping to see him/her
Step 5: Accidentally "missending" him/her a text

5 Steps to Waiting
Step 1: Keep yourself busy
Step 2: Stop being bitter
Step 3: Don't rush him/her
Step 4: Actually Wait
Step 5: Know when to stop waiting

5 Things You Need to Know About Life
First: Life is always fair, you just think it isn't
Second: Life isn't a game... but play it anyway
Third: Life isn't funny, laugh anyway
Fourth: Life becomes a burden when you take it too seriously
Fifth: Life doesn't plan for you, you plan for life

Posted by yabs on December 10, 2007 at 01:47 PM | Comments

December 10, 2007

eventful

yabs

A huge number of people in this world are gluttons for punishment. Knowing what can hurt them but opting to proceed anyway. The simplest things become monumental problems. All because being immersed in drama is so much more eventful than the plain and peaceful alternative. It is us who hurt ourselves with these ideals that we cannot follow or use even for the most practical reasons.

Its like saying "Yes" to something that requires a "NO" answer. Its falling in love but refusing to call it love. Its like praying when you do not believe in God. Its like lying in the name of truth.

Posted by yabs on December 10, 2007 at 01:50 PM | Comments

December 10, 2007

Still Yours

yabs

What was lost still belongs to you
whatever was given will always be true

Though I went away, chose to go
whatever I said will always stay as so

Living this life with us apart
has never changed what remains in my heart

For you and I, most things will remain
regardless of pain, regardless of blame

I disappear but in essence I stayed
I will never deny the truth I said

You are once, and forever will be
the best version of love tattooed on me

No lies or deception, no not this time
whatever you lost is still yours and mine

Posted by yabs on December 10, 2007 at 01:53 PM | Comments

December 10, 2007

Lying in the Name of Truth

yabs

when hurt is your constant companion
and love is your perpetual bliss
the biggest curse
is denying a heartfelt kiss

when the things you like
can never be achieved
when what you want
you never receive

after all the shit
they put you through
you get stuff that's old
when you want something new

each truth is a lie
and each lie is the truth
you act prim and proper
when you're unkempt and uncouth

you die when you live
you cry and you pray
you call out to the heavens
on each newborn day

lying in the name of truth
to save you from hurt
an unrelenting cycle
starting from birth

people you miss
you try to not think
yet you remember them
in each second you blink

try as everyone might
from the aged or the youth
you end up the same
lying in the name of truth

Posted by yabs on December 10, 2007 at 01:59 PM | Comments

December 10, 2007

WAS THE ONE

yabs

WAS THE ONE
(more of this melodrama)

Lived to love
But lost to pain
Died of jealousy
Survived through shame

Not once
was there success
despite attempts
to avoid this mess

Now living apart
but missing each other
Hoping things
would become better

An unfinished chapter
that ended in questions
A hurtful separation
for pointless reasons

She was the one
that could have made the cut
Could have been the one
that could close my wounds shut

Now I realized
I would never know
the love I lost
for choosing to go

Posted by yabs on December 10, 2007 at 02:07 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Coming Home

yabs

Welcome back to the life you were meant to live. Uncertainty might be in every corner. Memories may still haunt you. I will be there, I am your constant guide, Your undying light... The sunshine that will never falter. The morning breeze that cools your soul and heals your heart. I am the stream that will never dry-up.
All this because you are worthy of more than what you have right now. Forget what troubles you. Remember how to heal. Open your mind to the forever that started so long ago. No more guilt or regrets. Do not bow your head in shame or rise it in boastfulness. No more of that... or anything else that misled and carved this sad shell you call a life.
Time to live and show the world your splendor. Be wonderful, be amazing, be whole. This is your moment to taste what others have been savoring. Be a glutton for joy and a vessel for all that is good. Live with ambition, forget about these petty ideas that surround your actions. Move with faith and materialize your hopes.
I guarantee that on each new day that dawns, you will be blessed. Do these things and believe in the truth. Life is always fair as long as you view it as so. Live, be free, savor each moment and also learn to say "I've had enough..."

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:11 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

This World is Just Right

yabs

So many people talk about how much the world has been unfair,
how love hurts, how the pain,
hurt and depression rule their lives.
So many say hope is such a cliché...

The world is just right
It gives, it takes
It is not life's fault
That you didn't care.

It is not unfair
To reap what you sow
It is simply right
To know what is wrong.

Its not badluck
To be caught doing wrong
It is not good luck
To get away when you sin

Hurt and pain
Are realities all people bear
So is love and joy
Count your blessings before you speak

Life compensates for everything
It redeems what needs to be
Depression is a state of mind
It Bothers those who let it in

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:14 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

So Into You

yabs

So into you
the girl in my heart
So into you
Through the joy and the hurt

No excuses
No not anymore
No "who did what?"
No keeping score

Still into you
So swept off my feet
The mention of your name
And my heart skips a beat

Though I have stopped
to prevent others from hurting
Every single day
It is my heart that is aching

Sometimes its way too much
To keep taking this sacrifice
Sometimes its way too much
To keep telling myself lies

Just a glimpse of you
I feel might suffice
But I'm so afraid
It might bring tears to my eyes

So I press on
As if all is okay
I keep telling myself
"no not today"

Hoping this feeling
Will eventually subside
So I can tell everybody
"I have nothing to hide"

And if these emotions
Never go away
I'll keep it all locked
And that's where it will stay.

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:16 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Another One

yabs

Just another pretty face
that caught another foolish guy
Just another man in line
No matter how hard he tries

Waiting for morsels of affection
He hopes she looks his way
She hardly thinks of him
And he thinks of her each day

He lies awake at night
Or cries himself to sleep
Knowing that if he disappears
She will hardly even weep

So many people after her
And she knows that for a fact
She uses this as her weapon
And she knows just how to act

He tried to move on
As if nothing was ever wrong
He thought he could go forward
He thought he could be strong

Now he lives a life
Of an emotional wreck
No dignity nor pride
Not even a little speck

He becomes depressed and bitter
No hope or joy in sight
She remains so insensitive
Not knowing of his plight

He found another path
So that's how it ends
She wonders where he is
No chance to make amends

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:18 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

YUN ANG PAG-IBIG (PART 3)

yabs

ANG PILIPINO NG PAG-IBIG (PART 2)
YUN ANG PAG-IBIG (PART 3)

Eto nanaman at umabot sa ganito. Yung kunwari'y masaya pero bigong-bigo. Naka-ngiting aso pero nagmumuk-mok sa isang sulok. Nalulunod na sa alak at naguumpisa nang magsawa sa araw-araw na pagluluksa. Sabi nga nila, "Pare kaya ka yata ganyan kasi supot ka pa e..." Tawa ka naman dahil alam mong hindi nila maintindihan na walang kinalaman ang damdamin sa pagiging lalaki o babae. Ang tao pag tinamaan ng problemang puso e walang tama o mali. Walang malakas o mahina. Hindi nakasalalay sa kasarian.

Milyon-milyong lalaki ang humahagulgol na parang walang bukas dahil lang sa linalaman ng puso. Nandyan ang mga pag-ibig na bawal, pag-iibigang hindi bagay, pagmamahalang walang kinabukasan... At ang pinaka-madalas na pagiibigan na alam ng madaming lalaki. Sabay-sabay nating sabihin: "I love you po KUYA!" Wahahahaha! May "Po" na, kinuya ka pa! Sakit ba mga pare? Masanay na kayo.

Kahit ipangako mo ang mga tala, ang buwan, ang araw, ang ulap... Wala yan! Tumanggi na nga sa lahat ng mga ipinangako mo e... susubukan mo pang bigyan ng puso? Aasa ka pa?! Ano yun? Sinusuhulan mo pa ng kung anu-anong pangako? Sa gobyerno lang pwede yan. Hindi sa pag-ibig.

Bigo na nga e. Sasabihin mo na gagawin mo ang lahat para makuha ang kanyang puso't pag-tingin. Palagay mo yung panggugulo mo sa kanya ay nakakatulong? Akala mo pag-umiyak ka ay maaawa siya? Sorry, pero ungas ka ba? Kung hindi ka ba naman isang libo't isang tanga, eto ka pa at sunod ng sunod, kulit ng kulit... Umuwi ka na.

Oo na, alam na namin na nagmamahal ka. Kung alam na ng Buong barangay, sigurado alam na din niya. Ano pa hinihintay mo? Ayaw mo naman sumuko. Away mo ding umuwi. Sige, banat ka pa. Ayaw mo mawalan ng pag-asa e. Basta ba alam mo na pag nabigo ka nanaman wala kang ibang dapat sisihin kundi ang sarili mo. Asahan mo din na sa paulit-ulit na kawalan mo ng utak at direksyon unti-unting magsasawa ang lahat ng nakikinig sa iyo

Kaya mo pa rin? Itutuloy mo pa rin? Wow... Ilang dosenang iyak, ilang daang novena at ilang milyong "kaya ko pa ito..." na ang pinagdaanan mo. Nandito ka pa rin. Lumalaban. Pare, in-love ka nga. Saludo ako sa iyo. Tibay ng puso mo eh. Iba kang mag-mahal.

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:21 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Unaffected

yabs

Amidst the noise and chatter of people I do not know lies a singular truth. Undeniable and blunt... staring into my soul and slapping my face with lessons on reality. The world and everything in it continues to exist and move forward despite trials and problems that for me, has stopped everything to a standstill. One problem does not stop the world from turning no matter how we may view it and twist it to our own conceited version of how things are.

That is reality in its simplest form. We get hurt, we feel pain. We stop, everything else continues, with or without us.

Not everything can be seen in black and white. Not all questions are answered with a yes or no. Only idiots deal in absolutes. Those who are unlucky (or even lucky) enough to live with absolute decisions are either haunted or blessed by the lack of complications. I myself consider my problems both good and bad. My pain fuels my passion, my suffering is my muse, my life is my death. All in all I can say that I chose this path despite the myriad of chances to live a "better" life. There have been a plethora of great opportunities that have passed by. I am to blame for each loss. I am to credit for each gain... and I am responsible for each decision.

This is the life I live that fails to stop the world from turning. That is the reality I now understand and attempt to live with. Any future failures or successes will depend on how I play my cards against a world that could care less about what happens; All because the world keeps turning... and needs to keep turning regardless of what I think or experience.

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:24 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Separate Ways

yabs

My mind poses this enigma,
my emotions so confused
where I find myself always in blame
always the one accused

My heart beats so steadily
knowing what it needs
hoping that while I miss her
I might forget all past deeds

Here I wait so constantly
wondering where I stand
always waiting for that kiss
Hoping to hold her hand

Totally lost and unknowing
of what position I am in
making the effort to not think
where she's going, where she's been

From where it is I am now,
I constantly ask "why?"
Such questions in my head
Brings my soul to cry

Why is it that things that matter
do not ever make sense
where it hurts so much
Whenever she talks about us in the past tense

I am where I am
yet I still check everyday
Things have not made sense
Since we went our separate ways.

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:26 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Separate Ways 2

yabs

My heart has this query
My thoughts so unwise
I find myself partly at fault
For the past sins and lies

My mind cannot fathom
Exactly what it wants
Not knowing the consequences
of my possible future acts

Continuously searching
knowing what is gone
Trying to get a foothold
which was so aimlessly done

Following a path I chose for me
Discovering things I never knew
Yet still keeping a safe distance
Making sure of the right and true

At the level I am as of present
I still keep looking back
But answers I am looking for
Will keep me on track

Sorting all the trivial
from all the intense
Knowing the truth in my feelings
Regardless of the tense

Lost in the next best step
with no intention to cause pain
Just needed to live anew
And not feel that pain again

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:28 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

WHY

yabs

Why say you miss me
Then just turn around and disappear?

Why say I'm special to you
æ
But treat me like a passing fling?

Why say "any time"
And mean "only when you're lonely?"

Why use "always"
But only really at your convenience?

Why pretend to be a lady
When you are really immature?

Why be so sensitive
but easily hurt every other person?

Why treat me like one of them
When before I was all you could rely on?

Why treat me like nothing
When once, I was all you ever had?

Why think this is about you
When it doesn't mention your name?

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:31 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Free

yabs

I said so many things
I uttered stupid lies
I see each day that comes
with fake happiness in my eyes

I pretend that I'm okay
and say I am so sure
That my mind has been made up
and my heart has found a cure

But I keep remembering your name
in each and every song
And I keep hoping that its you,
on every message tone

Now that I have stopped,
it is I who cries in pain.
Coz if I make a move,
I might hurt others again.

What do I do
with what my heart screams aloud
How do I break
What my mind has not allowed

I feel so very sad
So excruciatingly confused
One side my mind's unrest
The other my heart feels abused

If I could stop hurting
the ones I care for most
I'd go for what my heart has set
free from this guilty ghost

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:33 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Fake and Real

yabs

Time has passed but the healing hasn't begun...
I see a fading picture of dreams and wishes.
Of past atrocities that lead to a conflict that apologies could not mend or ease.
I want to know if I can live without you.
Without this constant guilty nagging from the apprehensions I bear.
Trying so hard to remember how to completely forget.
Only to be reminded...
As I hear a man humming a love song with a smile on his face and such feeling...
Blissfully aware of his feelings and certain of his convictions and commitments.
It makes me wonder...
...wonder what could have been...
when I should be wondering what will be.
Angels may guide...
but I seem to have lost mine
Going my own way in reckless seclusion far from healing...
Instead, cloaked in counterfeit strength.
Real enough to make my dilemma unseen but hopefully not unnoticeable.
Until the day where I believe in my own lies.
Convinced of my own joy.
Others immersed in true uncertainty while I bask in false reality.

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:36 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

Insanity

yabs

The sickness I feel from the pit of my stomach all the way up to the thoughts that are in my head are so extremely undescribable and so foreign to me. It is like someone else is running and living my life. I grow weary of the constant nagging guilt eating away at my soul. The envy in my eyes for things and people that I do not have in my life, makes me think that I am slowly losing my sanity. The terrifying nightmares that I fail to remember as I awaken, leave my nerves so rattled that I have lost all desire to sleep and eat. The ever present desire for material possessions and temporary monetary bliss rule my once complex and intellectual being. The bottled anger and shame I have kept for so long manages to find its way into my daily routine. It has taught me to be ridiculously sensitive and untrusting. The paranoia of living life on the edge of a razor-sharp blade has taken its toll on my emotional well-being. Feeling significantly dumber... brought about by the lack of ambition or drive. Content with the morsels from a once better lifestyle. It sickens me to see myself, a once successful and proud person, reduced to a wailing pseudo-intellectual drunkard with schemes and plans that never materialize. The smoke in my lungs has made me frail and incapable. The liquor in my system has killed so many brain cells that I could swear I feel my brain jiggle when I move... Impossible I know. But then again metaphors always are. My silence is so loud that many have noticed the drastic change in my personality. Two-minute smiles are all I can afford now. Everything has become irrelevant, boring and imperfect. Condemned to an ever constant deterioration of mind, body and spirit. Heart-broken, fearful and confused... Going insane....

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:38 PM | Comments

December 25, 2007

SOLILOQUY

yabs

As my life begins to fester in the deep depression I have brought upon myself, I cannot help but become pretentious towards that which I do not fully comprehend. The level of mistrust and paranoia has heightened my senses to false conspiracies surrounding different words and actions. The burden of moving forward is a ticking time-bomb that I dare not aggravate any further. Perpetually living but never the way I desired and planned to. I have seen too many factors that I could not risk, and too little that I am willing to sacrifice.

As the months passed, I had seen the obnoxious truth mocking my very decisions. I had nothing but disdain for this sacrilegiously gaudy truth.

There was nothing more dubious than the complete truth. Because the truth raises more questions than a lie ever could. Yet peculiar as it may seem, despite the confusion and unbearable agony the truth brings, we ask for the truth. We think we crave it. We think the truth always makes things better. We are immersed in these dillusions that the truth will always set us free and lies are meant to hurt. Chivalrous and honorable as it may sound, altruistic and noble as it may seem, the truth is shrouded with so many complications.

In my life, the truth is a curse. It is the reason why I live in such horrid depression. The truth is what makes me curse my fate. The truth has caused me so much agony. Especially when the truth comes too late. When it becomes real... Too real for one heart to bear and too profound for any mind to handle.

This has placed me where it is I stand now. Full of dreams but no actions, full of hope but no chance. Drowning in the latent plans of what I believed was simply genius. All these, proximal to my standpoint... A juxtaposition of ideas with hardly any direction. This alone can bring you to tears. Tears leading to another day of incongruous living; where nothing ties together and nothing makes even the mildest sense. That is the phantasmagoria of truth, life and beliefs I have come to understand. I, who have reached the end but is nonetheless moving forward with what my own mind has limited, taking what is allowed to proceed.

The tragedy of my actuality. My current existence. The life of constant mental, physical and emotional deterioration. Something I realized I had the right and the power to change.

Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:40 PM | Comments

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