December 25, 2007
Insanity
The sickness I feel from the pit of my stomach all the way up to the thoughts that are in my head are so extremely undescribable and so foreign to me. It is like someone else is running and living my life. I grow weary of the constant nagging guilt eating away at my soul. The envy in my eyes for things and people that I do not have in my life, makes me think that I am slowly losing my sanity. The terrifying nightmares that I fail to remember as I awaken, leave my nerves so rattled that I have lost all desire to sleep and eat. The ever present desire for material possessions and temporary monetary bliss rule my once complex and intellectual being. The bottled anger and shame I have kept for so long manages to find its way into my daily routine. It has taught me to be ridiculously sensitive and untrusting. The paranoia of living life on the edge of a razor-sharp blade has taken its toll on my emotional well-being. Feeling significantly dumber... brought about by the lack of ambition or drive. Content with the morsels from a once better lifestyle. It sickens me to see myself, a once successful and proud person, reduced to a wailing pseudo-intellectual drunkard with schemes and plans that never materialize. The smoke in my lungs has made me frail and incapable. The liquor in my system has killed so many brain cells that I could swear I feel my brain jiggle when I move... Impossible I know. But then again metaphors always are. My silence is so loud that many have noticed the drastic change in my personality. Two-minute smiles are all I can afford now. Everything has become irrelevant, boring and imperfect. Condemned to an ever constant deterioration of mind, body and spirit. Heart-broken, fearful and confused... Going insane....
Posted by yabs on December 25, 2007 at 10:38 PM | Comments
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