yabs

I said I moved on
I said a lot of things

Yet everyday
I wake up
With a bleeding heart

Daily regrets
And soulful realizations

Pondering mistakes
Of past shortcomings
And hurtful obsessions

Unable to deal
Or even cope with the change

Always what if
Or where it faded
How it became terribly wrong

Set to misplaced jealousy
To mismanaged possibilities

Displeased with life
And the shameÄ
And the sense of wonder

Controlled by the ferocity
of the bitterness seared into me

Always in question
Never self-assured
Perpetually disappointed

No help from those I needed
Governed by selfishness

No risks allowed
No will to set things right
Only the strength to run

Is this right?
Is this what is deserved?