yabs

As I moved further and further away from Baguio, my problems seemed to fade and my concerns simply dissipated. No more worries about friends and loved ones that I left behind. Though I know that things are getting worse by the moment, it just feels irrelevant. The valid points and anxieties that drove me to drink and be out nightly all became moot.

The tears I shed I left in Baguio, the sleepless nights I surrendered to the stars. All I had with me on this second trip away from hell was myself. Although I would not be gone for long, I embraced this chance to be somewhere else and someone else. Away from prying eyes, familiar faces and the constant nagging of those I knew or those who thought they knew me.

I did not have to answer the who, the when and the what's that I had to deal with back home. No interrogations, minus the paranoia and the perpetual self loathing. I did not have to pretend anymore. I did not have to look okay, or smile, or cry or even wonder about things and people. I did not pity myself.

I left that world of intrigue and the perversions of all I used to hold dear. I tried to get away only from these problems, but began to miss Baguio as it was further away every minute I drove in the opposite direction. I've only been gone for a few hours but each minute away from home was torture. Afterall, Baguio is my birthplace and my soulful memory. Though I escaped the curse created by the unworthy people in my life, I will never want to escape Baguio. It has been seared unto every fiber of me. And I embrace it as part of who I am.