The church bells rang but not for me
The church bells rang, the
expression of feelings consummated. Culminating to one moment of passionate
"I Do's" followed by a kiss fully meant. Tears of joy, of loss and
gain, all at an instant. An incomparable instant. Eyes closed and hands held
through the solemn rituals and promises kept. Commitments met, commitments
meant and commitments planned for the future. But before the next step is a
moment for the here and now. The only thing that matters this very second...
The only thing that should be perfect for now is this kiss and the walk down
the aisle. The beautiful chaos of rice flung in the air, of doves captured to
be set free, of adorned honking vehicles and flowing white gowns, of meals,
dedications and photographs.
I bowed down happy yet feeling pity
for myself. Through all the years of love ruined by conflict. All the potential
others that did not go the distance. Words about forever eventually ending as
purely that - just words. The sacrifices of understanding and forgiveness
through all this... Things I thought were noble, expressions of true love and a
martyr-like ultimate gift have all been passé. It was hard not to be bitter.
Not for one single person but for the multitude of past experiences tantamount
to wasted time. Now I stand here, a guest of honor, the man on table one, a
journalist, a photographer, the appointed curator of these sweet sweet memories
never my own. For today the church bells rang in celebration yet again... But
not for me.