November 11, 2006
Fade Into The Night
Step after agonizing step I trekked the dirt path never looking back at
the past that pulls me home. My heart wants to turn back for a closure
that I myself, was never granted. Afraid of losing the only thing that
holds me to this earth but knowing full well that her needs are more
immediate. I lock my questions and feelings as best I can. I offer her
the time she needs to fix her unattended affairs. I see her smile and her
unmistakable sense of peace, this alone gives me enough reason to live
on. Selfishly selfless amidst the tempest that passed, dedicating each
move, each breath and each effort to the idea that she is now happy.
All else seems irrelevant. Secondary to what she wants... what she needs.
I fear that we grow apart each day she chooses to be alone and me
letting her. Problematic at the solution I chose for us and still waiting
for her to come back. Her return is unsure but such is my fate. Destined
to be hurt. Fated to be alone. Committed to never finding true and just
happiness. As I hold her hand and give my full embrace, she hesitates.
I understand and take one step back, bow my head in extreme
embarassment and tainted in sorrow. I pick myself up from the deep dark ditch I fell into when she did not reciprocate. Took my first few steps down that path away from her home. As I passed the gate, I looked back. The space between the two parts of the gate were empty. The place where that one last kiss used to take place to remind me I am loved and will be
missed. The night appeared darker than it has ever been. And I, like the day, had faded into the dark with only the cold night air as my last
remaining foothold to a faded reality that she started and I had regretfully
allowed to end.
the past that pulls me home. My heart wants to turn back for a closure
that I myself, was never granted. Afraid of losing the only thing that
holds me to this earth but knowing full well that her needs are more
immediate. I lock my questions and feelings as best I can. I offer her
the time she needs to fix her unattended affairs. I see her smile and her
unmistakable sense of peace, this alone gives me enough reason to live
on. Selfishly selfless amidst the tempest that passed, dedicating each
move, each breath and each effort to the idea that she is now happy.
All else seems irrelevant. Secondary to what she wants... what she needs.
I fear that we grow apart each day she chooses to be alone and me
letting her. Problematic at the solution I chose for us and still waiting
for her to come back. Her return is unsure but such is my fate. Destined
to be hurt. Fated to be alone. Committed to never finding true and just
happiness. As I hold her hand and give my full embrace, she hesitates.
I understand and take one step back, bow my head in extreme
embarassment and tainted in sorrow. I pick myself up from the deep dark ditch I fell into when she did not reciprocate. Took my first few steps down that path away from her home. As I passed the gate, I looked back. The space between the two parts of the gate were empty. The place where that one last kiss used to take place to remind me I am loved and will be
missed. The night appeared darker than it has ever been. And I, like the day, had faded into the dark with only the cold night air as my last
remaining foothold to a faded reality that she started and I had regretfully
allowed to end.
Posted by yabs on November 11, 2006 at 06:03 PM | Comments
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