Found this in one of my old computer files...

I think i wrote in College but I'm not too sure

 

 

The coldness spreads through my body

like a   disease

corrupting my very essence

as it tortures me with frozen heat

that seeps into my soul

like blood through cloth…

tormenting me like devil’s angels do.

Tainted with the mistakes of being right,

I stop and succumb to the disease

which is my pride.

In the loudness of my silence,

 I scream… .

the pain in my soul’s heart rains upon mea

and in the blinding light of darkness

I find retribution.

I stop and feel pride’s shame slip away.

Now as I stand in front of myself

rejoicing in my triumph,

I see myself prideless…

but never the less, Proud.

The winds of chance blew hard one day, but I was too diluted in my own concerns to even take a second to notice what I was missing. Another day lost. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was my own life, until it became someone else’s. yes, I lost my life by the winds of chance. I lost my only concern, my time was now theirs. Everything. I had to learn to feel for these people who took my life and made it theirs. I joined them everyday to ease my pain. Until one day I was sucked into what I believed was and could never be mine. I grew. Through the cracked shell of my old being, I reached out. Ostentatious as it may sound, I am not me. My life is mine, yet it is not. I exist on my own, yet never by  myself. I am a symbiote to their lives as they are to mine. We no longer owned… we shared. This is how it was since the beginning. I was just too blind to see. Too self immersed to care. Now I can see. Now I care. Now I live with a million lives. All mine yet all theirs just the same.

 I am clay

From the loam of faith,

The sands of time

And the water of change.

 

 I am not what you want

But I can be as so.

You are my mold

My source of shape.

My hope for value.

 

 I am a thing of beauty

As you willed to be such.

I harden into the shape of your faith,

To endure the test time.

 

 Till I myself become a mold

To share my life

And be the vessel to carry you.

As you have carried me.

 

I am clay,

No definite shape,

No clear purpose,

No strength alone.

 

 Till you….

 

 

A friend asked me to write something

Something that could express the anger, loss and pity

that she has carried until now.

Here it is Chaw, hope you keep fighting the good fight. 

 

Years of confusion and waiting

For 60 seconds

Of pure truth

Truth that cannot be voiced out.

 

Time spent on watching,

Wondering and getting hurt.

 

From shyness

To cowardice.

From pacing

To fear.

 

Sad to believe

That only an empty shell

Of what used to be hope

Is left.

 

Nothing for the taking.

None whatsoever.

 

Pathetic…

 

The world has no use for martyrs

Who have nothing to fight for.

 

No heroes are weak.

No journey has no purpose.

 

Deciding

Has consequences,

Face it.

Actions

Have results,

Deal with it.

 

Keep it real,

Don’t waste time.

 

Make your move.

Find out.

 

 

Sa atin pa rin ang lahat ng saya sa apat na taong pagsasama. Ilang libong away na pinagsisisihan at pagkakamaling hindi malimutan. Sa pinagsimulang lambingan at makulay na nakaraan, sa atin pa rin ang kay lalim na samahan. Hindi maipagkaila na ang lahat ay totoo sa apat na taong ikaw at ako. Hinding-hindi malilimutan o kaya'y mapapalitan ang lahat ng kasiyahan na nais balikan. Sa atin pa rin nagsimula ang unang patak ng luha. Sa atin nagsimula ang ngiti ng pagasa. Hindi pababayaan na mawala ang kailanman, sa apat na taon ng pagiibigan. Ikaw lang ang maaalala, sa aking pagtanda. Ako ma'y umiyak sa dala ng tadhana. Sa iyo lang sumaya at di kalilimutan. Sa iyo lang nag-umpisa ang lahat ng kailangan. Apat na taon, sa iyo'y nai-alay, dahil sa iyo lang nag-umpisang mabuhay.