Resigned from work a few days ago

Glad to have left a place that does nor value

hard work and effort. 

Once strong hope
now a shadow of doubt
Not valued or trusted
Just allowed to be out

For the sweat and tears
poured into this business
with sadness it ends
because nobody listens

It all seems unfair
to be treated like this
that losing another
seems to be no risk.

When all these problems
could have been stopped
if someone had listened
if someone had talked.

But nobody cares
what one has to say
this indifference
has sent so many away.

Don't be deaf
Don't be blind
Don't talk about me
from behind

I regret this loss
I rejoice this gain
I know someday
we'll meet again...

When that day
comes to pass
I'll make real sure
you kiss my ass...

My heart fails me
as I try to make sense
of a world that escapes
my mortal comprehension.

A heart encased in stone
is still a heart.
Yet a stone is still a stone
despite what it holds.

Lost and found
in the same sense
as doing the wrong things
for the right reasons
or doing the right things
for the wrong reasons.

If the end justifies the means
then morals will be inconsequential.
This daily battle for happiness
amidst the burning rage
of who's, why's, what's and how's
become a refuge for doubt.

Hope is lost
to those who fail to risk.
Where is the honor in losing?
It's in every attempt to win
despite the the numerous casualties.

A heart encased in stone
is still a heart.
A stone is never just a stone
to a man who looks deep within.

Cheated on
Lied to
Robbed of Happiness
Liked by few.

In my life
where I forgave and forgot
Each day is a battle,
that I know I already fought.

From the stitches
to the burns
this battered heart
lost what it yearns.

Painful kisses,
Scalding hugs...
A trial unity
filled with bugs.

Where they can't see
what I can see
I try to love
unconditionally.

I take her back
despite the weight
I play dumb
to the twist of fate.

I could have left
could have made my move
I don't have anything
-anything to prove.

This ordeal
taught me to hate
Reminds me what's bad,
used to be great.

This world of unrest
has lost it's voice,
beyond this blood-stained ego
I make my choice.

I'm not yours to judge
or talk ill about
to give your advice
to relay your doubt.

Yes I'm angry
I believe I should
but that does more damage
and less of what's good.

I hugged
the other man today
through the betrayal
amidst the fray.

Yet people think
it's still me who's wrong
that I was weak
when I thought l was strong.

I took her back
even tried to set her free,
did my best
to be more than me.

Lost all my friends
to the ghosts of pity
Turned into stone
as I glanced at the burning city.

Alone again
like so many days before
telling myself,
'' Should have given her more."

Living in the shadow
of a man who did no work.
Who took her heart,
this heart he now lurks.

I am a man
at odds with luck.
A man whose life,
has run amuck.

Who am I now?
What have lost?
What did I gain?
And at what cost?

Stared into the abyss
to answer my plea.
Saw no comfort,
just a dying me.

The child cried
as she was scolded
seems that through fear
she was molded.

"Stop crying!"
were her words
father stayed silent
like nothing was heard.

"If you... I'll spank you!"
was the common threat
a constant reminder
of patience low-set.

The father teased
the girl with names
gave meaning
to her trivial games.

She cried
at least once a day
yet in her heart
her parents stayed.

She loved them both
full and unconditionally
hoping that they'll see
this beautiful gift eventually.

When patience
seemed to be lost
because they wanted to show
who was the "Boss"

She'll shed
a million tears for them
and come back
to profess her love yet again.

They keep copying
how they were raised
not knowing she'll be
confused and dazed.

Yet for now
her love remains aflame
because her heart is pure
beyond sadness, anger or games.

yabs

Sa Gate
ang huling halik
Sa buong araw
ito ang nakamit

Mula umaga,
pagsapit ng gabi
hinihintay,
halik ng iyong labi

Sa bakal na harang
magkabilaang nakadungaw
maguumpisang tapusin
ang isa nanamang araw

Tuwa at lungkot
sa iyong tahanan nakita
handang makulong
sa kabila nitong hawla

Huling halik,
sa gate ay lumipas
muling balik
pagsapit ng bukas

Pintig ng pusong
di mapigilan
pagmamahal
na muling naisilang.

yabs

Hindi na maalala
ang bulong ng pag-asa

Hindi na maligtas
sa ikli ng oras

Ilang taon ng saya at lungkot
hanggang ngayo'y pinapa-abot

Milyong luhod at iyak sa langit
Gabi-gabing dasal makamit

Ang katahimikang wagas
at kapayapaang lumipas

Usapang lihim
tagpuan sa dilim

Isa nanamang "sana"
ang bumalik at makapiling siya

Nakagapos sa kahapong lubos nang naka-pako
tulad ng pag-asa ng patay na pangako

Sinubukang maniwala
umuwing may luha

Nagpatawad, nagmahal
ngunit bigo kahit sa dasal

Unti-unting nag-sawa
sa katotohanan at hula

Isa nanamang "Sana"
ang pinagkait ng tadhana

Isa nanamang "Sana"
ang nawalan ng pag-asa

Nabaliw at nagdusa
sa isa nanamang "Sana"

yabs

Blue skies,
white clouds lined with dreams.
Take my hand,
hold it tight.
Lets play in our minds.
Lets travel to a place that should not exist.

A place real only through faith.
Where we can find peace.
Winds giving wise whispers.
Rivers that sound lyk laughter.

Where you and me can be together
in a place beyond forever.
Sweet candy houses.
Winged unicorns abound.
With special kinds of somethings
all spread around.
Smoochies, bearhugs and bubblegum
a world built by friendship and imagination.

Come take my hand
lets travel without leaving.
close our eyes,
imagine...

blue skies,
white clouds lined with dreams.
Smoochies, Bear Hugs and Bubblegum.

yabs

I searched my subconsious for an answer to my query and found no 
response to my soul-search. Took a mad dash at all attempts to achieve a life 
that resembled harmony but always flooded by the cacophony of cries and 
lies. Lay awake as she avoided a conversation by sleeping. Her back 
turned against me and I lay flat on my chest writing what my heart and 
mind have both felt. She slept, aware of the current situation we were in 
but seemingly indifferent. As I looked on, she widened the gap by 
moving a few more inches away from me. I came to the realization that we are 
more distant from each other when we sleep in the same bed than we are 
when we are miles apart.

In my silence I shed a tear. Hating myself for allowing things to come 
to this. Clenched my fists and grinded my teeth not in anger but in an 
attempt to suppress this cry of agony and loneliness that tries to 
escape me. I succeed. Took comfort in knowing that nothing is forever. Life 
is way too short for anything perpetual... at least in my life.

I await the Sandman to put me to sleep so that I may forget for a few 
hours what I am feeling and why I feel so. Praying that I may sleep 
without images flashing in my mind, haunting, taunting, driving me to the 
brink. I choose a blank sleep, devoid of sound, sight and memories. I 
choose to be dreamless because it means peace and freedom from both the 
good and the bad.

She briefly stirs from her sleep muttering words that made no sense but 
vaguely sounding like a name I dare not mention. She falls asleep once 
again. I see the peace in her lovely face and I thank God she is not 
cursed by this emotionally-induced restlessness. Suddenly I felt 
bothered. Why isn't she haunted by these ghosts? She, above everyone else was 
the most involved in this predicament. I then understood that she chose 
not to be bothered despite her involvement. Just as I, subconsciously 
chose to be affected by this cascade of problems.

I grew weary of these self-debates I do nightly. Trying to answer 
questions I am not capable of answering has reduced me to an emotional 
wreck. Tired, alone and sad, the Sandman finally visits me. I feel sleepy. 
With my last conscious action, I kiss this woman I have loved for years 
and embrace her. My day is complete not inspite of the pain and 
problems, but because of it.

yabs

Time to take
center stage
as time zooms by
in this day and age

Trickling down
the paint-starved walls
like many of my
conscience-laden calls

From one to twelve
from twelve to one
wouldn't stop
til all was done

Opened my mouth
my thoughts expressed
pulled out the distress
and put it to rest

Uncovered the memories
revealed the tricks
shared the funny
just for the kicks

These old curtains
were set to close
come morning
a new stage arose

A new performance
from a lesson learned
knowing that living
is a lesson earned.

yabs

Ito po ay pahabol sa una kong sinulat na pinamagataang "Yun Ang 
Pag-ibig"
Sana magustuhan ninyo.

Tinamaan ako! Sing-lakas ng putok ng mamang katabi ko sa jeep. Oo, 
tinamaan ako. Hindi ng alak o ng bala, tinamaan ako ng (ahem) pag-ibig. Mga 
ilang taon na ang lumipas nang ako'y mabighani pero ika nga ni Gary V. 
"Heto nanaman." Napa-isip ako kung bakit ganito katibay ang pag-ibig. 
Kasi ang mga ibang bagay kumukupas kasabay ng panahon.

Hayun na nga... ang sagot sa tanong ko. Alam nyo yung nakaka-suyang 
pakiramdam kapag nasobrahan ng kain ng instant pancit canton? Well, ang 
pag-ibig ay HINDI ganun. Ang pag-ibig ay yung damdamin na kahit ilang 
beses mong ulitin, di bumababa ang kalidad ng pakiramdam. Parang yung 
"Macho" na feeling kapag nabuksan mo yung bote ng Coke Litro na walang 
ibang may kakayahang magbukas.

Kasi ang tunay na pag-ibig ay pang habambuhay. Ibig sabihin ang tunay 
na pag-ibig ay, ah, uhm, well... HABANG BUHAY. Katulad ng utang sa 
bumbay o ang istorya tungkol sa kung paano ka naka "poo-poo" sa pantalon mo 
noong grade one ka. Di na mawawala yun. "Pur-iber" sabi nga ng katulong 
ng pamilya ng misis ko.

Syempre pag "pur-iber" ang love na yan, lahat kayang tiisin at 
tanggapin. Makalbo ka man, mamatayan ng kuko, maubusan ng pera, mawalan ng 
trabaho, mag-ulit ng brief (dugyot!) o makalimutang maghugas ng pinggan, 
mamahalin ka pa rin niya.

Paano mo malalaman kung ang pag-iibigan niyo ay pur-iber? Walang 
patakarang sinusunod ang pag-ibig. Ngunit para sa akin base sa aking 
karanasan, ang tatak ng Pur-iber Love ay hindi lang ang kakayahang magpatawad, 
kundi ang kakayahang humingi ng tawad. Hindi lang ang humalik at 
yumakap, kundi ang magpahalik at magpa-yakap. Ang pag-ibig na pur-iber ay 
makikita sa mga tao na magtetext tapos halos hindi na matulog sa 
kahihintay ng reply (na siyempre, dadating kapag tulog ka na). At pag nagising 
ka sa text o reply niya na ang laman ay "Sori 4 d l8 reply, m i dsturbin 
u?" ang sagot mo naman ay "Hi! no, m awake, cnt slip e. how u na?" At 
sa oras na maipadala mo yun, ubos na load mo at lalabas ka ng dis-oras 
ng gabi para humanap ng tindahang bukaj pa at may auto-load.  Pur-iber 
ay yung pupunta lang siya ng kasilyas e may good-bye kiss pa. Yung 
tuwing babangon ka para dyumingel ay nagigising siya. Pag-balik mo, kakapain 
niya kung naka-tabi ka na sa kanya. Pag may ingay sa bubong, kahit alam 
mong hindi akyat-bahay gang yun, ay babangon ka para tignan kasi gusto 
mo panatag ang loob ng mahal mo.

Nasusukat ba ang pur-iber na pag-ibig? Hindi po mga kaibigan. Pero kung 
susukatin ko, masasabi ko na ang pur-iber ay masmadami pa sa 
pinagsama-samang pirated na DVD at VCD sa buong mundo. Masmatibay pa sa mga 
"vulleth froof" na shades na usong-uso noong 90's. Mas matinik pa sa mga 
ponyboy ng Wright Park at mas marami pang kabit kesa kay Joseph Estrada. 
San ka pa? Pur-iber Love na!

Hindi ka talo sa ganung pag-ibig. Tapat, sagrado, mapagpatawad, seryoso 
at nakaka-aliw ng sabay-sabay.

Yun ang pagmamahal na pur-iber. Magparamdam ka na!