The life I left has come back to remind me why I had to move on. Giving up all I believed in and all I thought was real. Bound to an unending state of guilt that should never exist. Haunted by the undying pain of a thousand betrayals that visit me in my slumber. Hearing cries that beckon me to remember when all I want to do is forget. To forget the pain of the past, to forget the scars of the present and to avoid the undesirable cycle of the disillusioned future. Living in the here and now has never been as difficult as it is at present. Where your heart is empty and your soul is bare. Where all I want is to do is curl-up and rock myself to sleep in the hope that the nightmares will not come to visit me today. Where my quest for happiness is perpetually blocked by speculation and accusations. Where a fair chance is hardly an option or a luxury.

Some things you cannot afford to lose, and some things are never yours to lose in the first place...

Above the petty squabbles and illogical demands, below the self conceived hopes and dreams... there lies the undeniable truth that people are stupid when faced with matters of the heart. Their decisions clouded by either bliss or pain. Saying goodbye when all your heart screams is "stay." Pretending to be strong when all you really want to say is "I miss you." Composing messages that remain unsent and perpetually unanswered. Knowing they have been hurt before and wanting to take it slow this time. A plea... A prayer... An undying tribute... all a worthy sacrifice for the unsure future.

Even though I try to smile

when I see what causes me pain

Even if I cry at night

when I remember that you are sad

 

Even when his arms are around you

and its his name your heart calls

I still wish it was I you think of

I still wish I could make you happy

 

As I close my eyes and dream

the impossible still hurts me...

the denial still haunts me...

 

As everyone around me

has love stories to share

All so unique and sweet

All amazing and heartened

 

I find myself hopelessly lost

in stories that are not my own

Lost in emotions

that do not belong to me

 

I stare at a sunrise

as the stars disappear

to make way for the lonely sun.

 

It travels from east to west

alone in its journey...

bound to its solitude...

forever waiting...

 

Failed a million times over

the hours, days and weeks pass

Still alone, still sad, still waiting.

Always wishing...