yabs

Left in confusion
At how things transpired
At how it has come to this
So familiarly undesirable

Through all the effort
The explanations and the candor
That has led to success
at least until today

A year's worth of emotional peace
Ruined by the daring but unprepared
Dashing my tranquility
Leading me to tearful remorse

Forcing me to re-live my pain
Simply for her misplaced hope
A love never to bear fruit
A dream I should not be part of

So here I am
In my unexpected retreat
Punishing myself for a transgression
That I tried to avoid since the beginning

yabs

I love you so much
That I have no choice
But to hate you
For all the ludicrous things
(That I can't help but do)

From all the "Why" questions
All the tears I cry
To the unparalleled hopes
Of a blissful you and I

From elaborate dreams
That I clearly see
To the wondrous schemes
That pair you to me

A past possibility
With present regrets
A future unbound
That begins when the sun sets

yabs

And so I arrive
At home once again
A night of nothing
A night lost to time

I walk to my room
Cold and alone
Deafened by my solitude...
In this unbearable home

This sad empty bed
Where I alone lay
Hugging a pillow
As night became day

Though I chose this life
And the path where it led
Where you might never believe
What I did or I said

Because of a myriad of pictures
A seeming plethora of fun
Of rumored partners
That all amounts to NONE

Yes I understand
That I may never see
The day I hope for
When you and I become "We"

yabs

Just as I fell
Under the misleading truth
Just as I thought
I was ready to take my prize

Changes happened
Beyond my control
Yet within my line of sight
Complications, Questions, Doubts

Credited to my idiocy
My inadequate knowledge
Faced with pure mockery
From which my heart fails

All in potential love
Via disappointing responses
This failure of opportunity
Caused by playing safe

The job I wanted
Marred by inexperience
The love I aimed for
Halted by an unprepared heart

yabs

Gabi na ng matapos ang pakikipagpulong ni Yabs na nakaantala sa isang Sabado na kanyang hinintay ng kay tagal. Tatlong linggo din siyang hindi naka-labas ng gabi dahil sa nagpatong-patong na katungkulan bilang manunulat at baguhang litratista. Sinabi niya sa sarili "Poo-cha, mamamatay na ako kung di pa ako makalabas ngayong gabi!"

Nagmamadaling pumunta si Yabs sa paradahan ng Baguio Cathedral upang kunin ang kanyang kotse na dalawang buwan nang hindi nalilinis. Inilagay ang kanyang kamera, mga lente at ang tungko sa likod ng sasakyan, pagkatapos ay matulin na nagmaneho papauwi. "Ano kaya ang susuotin ko?" napaisip si Yabs. "Dapat talaga nag-laba na ako nung Martes e... tsk tsk tsk... Bahala na."

Dumating siya sa kanilang tahanan at dali-daling inakyat ang bawat baytang ng hagdanan papunta sa kanyang silid. Ibinaba ang mga gamit at pumunta sa banyo upang maligo. Sira ang pampainit ng tubig, kaya't napilitan si Yabs na maligo ng mala-yelong tubig. Nagsabon, nagkuskos at sinabay na din ang pagsipilyo. Pagakatapos ay napansin ni Yabs na wala siyang dalang tuwalya... Nanginginig siyang tumakbo papasok ng kuwarto, binuksan ang aparador at kumuha ng tuwalya.

Matapos magpatuyo at maglagay ng pamawing-amoy, naghanap na ng susuotin at naghandang lumabas si Yabs. Pumunta siya sa kanyang paboritong serbeserya at nag-umpisang uminom kasama ang kanyang mga kaibigan. Sa karurukan ng kanyang pag-inom, biglang nakaramdam ng kirot sa tiyan si Yabs. Sumulak ang kanyang sikmura, pangitain na siya'y gutom. "Syet... Syet talaga..." sabi ni Yabs. "Nagugutom ako. Nakalimutan ko palang kumain sa sobrang pagaasam na lumabas ngayong gabi!"

Tumingin sa paligid si Yabs. Nakita ang bilihan ng shawarma, agaran siyang pumunta sa puwesto at bumili. Sa bawat kagat ng magkahalong karne ng baka at manok, siya'y napa-ngiti. "SSSSSaraaaaappp..." kanyang sambit sa sarili. Ang saktong lasa at linamnam ng shawarma ang pumawi sa kanyang gutom. Kagat shawarma, lunok. Inom ng serbesa, lunok. Kagat, Inom, Lunok...

Matapos lamunin ang shawarma ay umakyat siya muli sa serbeserya upang kumuha muli ng maiinom. Napadaan siya sa tindahan ni manang at naka-kita ng kornik. "Hmmmm... Masarap yata ang Boy Bawang ah..." kanyang naisip. "Manang, isa nga pong napaka-sarap na Boy Bawang." sabi ni Yabs. Kagat, Nguya. Nguya, Nguya, Nguya, Nguya, Lunok (nguya). "Ayaaaaaaan, solb! Balik na sa inom!"

Pagkakuha ng panibagong serbesa, lumabas si Yabs beranda at doon uminom. Napansin niyang itinuturo siya ng kanyang kaibigan sa isang magandang dalaga. Tinuwid niya ang kanyang tayo and hinintay na lumapit ang maalindog na babae sa kanya.

"Hi, So you're Yabs huh? Can I get you a drink so we can talk?" sabi ng babae.

"MaderPakkerrrh... Inglisera. Sosyal ah." inisip ni Yabs. Sabay sagot sa babae, "No, I'm cool... I already have a drink."

"Whut did ya say sweetie? The music's so loud I can't hear you!" paliwanag ng babae habang papalapit ang mukha kay Yabs.

Huminga ng malalim si Yabs, binukasan ang bibig at: "I said..." Dighay, ubo, dighay ulit... umalingasaw ang amoy ng shawarma at Boy Bawang. Takip ng ilong at bibig ang babae at sabi "Forget the drink... I'm buying some candy and some water... Good God!"

yabs

I wish for you
Though it may seem unreal
Late at night
It's always you I want to feel

I lose my composure
And utter sheer flattery
When all I want to do
Is admit in pure honesty

I lay every night challenging
What fate has set
Remembering your sincere smile
From the day we first met

It may seem doubtful
But I wish to change your mind
Where your happiness lies
I hope it's me by your side

I know you'll read this
Probably laugh and dismiss
And I'll be sound asleep
Dreaming that you and I will kiss

yabs

I am always wrong
And might forever be
I write and speak
But never succeed

I mean, who could love me?
When all I do is talk
In every waking hour
My words are uselessly sweet

A curse permanently cast
This single I
That will forever be afraid
Of the truth, the pure and the brave

But it's not a sin
To hope for what I don't deserve
It's not a crime
To attempt to be more

So I try
As hard as I can
Even if my best
Is less than everybody else

yabs

Mahal yata kita
Parang Cornbits sa umaga
Mahal yata kita
Sana'y huwag kang tatawa

Sa araw at gabi
Sa puyat ng iyong duty
Ang magandang nurse
Na nais makatabi

Sa mahabang taon
Na ika'y di nakita
Sa simula pa lang
Maliit ang pag-asa

Sa mga pambobola
At salitang sa iyo'y alanganin
Sa mga text message
Na ika'y ayaw mahumaling

Ang aking pag-uwi
Dahil sa alak na nakakaduling
Hanggang sa paghiga'y
Ikaw lang ang nais makapiling

yabs

In the grand pursuit 
Defined by an undying diligence 
Of efforts and true words 
All amounting to naught 

No regret for actions 
But entombed in embarrassment 
In tears that fail to flow 
In dreams that stay as so 

Long nights of smiles 
Of stories about our days 
Late afternoons filled with glee 
Before the things I failed to see 

I wished, hoped and prayed 
As few men would probably do 
My fondness for her grew 
A fondness known by few 

The years of numbness worked 
My soul will never be irked 
I smile, I laugh, I play 
I'm still an island to this day

yabs

Juggling the bad days That follow good days In poetic succession In predictable transition

Faced with nothing On the days you are ready Locked in turmoil When you are unprepared

The cravings and wishes Of rest and enjoyment Come almost always In the most inopportune times

In the days that all you want Is to close your eyes and sleep, Are the times in your life When what you want is unimportant

When you function out of necessity While dismissing your desires The good days you barely survive And the bad days you have to relive